Many of us have beliefs about ourselves, others, and the world that were constructed at a young age, based on the beliefs of those around us (i.e. parent, guardian, family members) or significant events we have experienced. Naturally, we are influenced to think, feel, and behave a certain way based on these interactions but when do these experiences taint the way we allow ourselves to develop over time? The development of negative thinking patterns can be largely attributed to an individual subconsciously taking responsibility for something that has happened in their lives. These can be childhood events, traumatic events in adulthood, or thinking patterns or influential people in our lives.

Gay Hendricks, author of The Big Leap, discusses the idea of having an “upper limit problem.” This is the idea of having a personalized glass ceiling that only allows us to reach a certain level of happiness before we sabotage ourselves in order to maintain our base level expectations. For example, someone who experienced abandonment in childhood might consistently terminate relationships early, even when things are going well. This is done to avoid feeling the same level of hurt as they did in childhood. Or put more simply, one might leave before we can be left by others.

Working with a therapist can help identify and understand the life experiences that have caused us to develop concrete core beliefs about what we deserve. Working to gain self-awareness is key when identifying our glass ceiling and the patterns that perpetuate the same outcomes time and time again. Core beliefs are built over time and lead to feelings of depression, anxiety, or feeling “stuck,” but they are not permanent and working towards debunking these core beliefs can lead to improved sense of self and life outlooks.